Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
