She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
