I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
