i may or may not be watching the land before time
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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