in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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