...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
