So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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