They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
