His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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