i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize