he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
