It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
