I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
