There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize