I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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