I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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