is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
