You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
