Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
