how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
