I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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