sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
