The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Houston, we have a squirter
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
