I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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