you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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