I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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