You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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