You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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