I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
