We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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