I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize