I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
