Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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