They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
