And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
