id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
