Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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