I'm so fucking centered right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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