I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
