i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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