I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
