herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
