my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
