I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
