I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
