You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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