My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
