i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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