the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
