he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
