Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
