Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize