forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
