i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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