sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
