you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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