Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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