I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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