You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
